It’s ironic to think that the greatest solace I found after the breakup was Eckhard Tolle’s book, The Power of Now; after all, the copy in my possession had been given to me by my obsessive object. Now it has hit me that the answer to my current internal stress and drama is right at my fingertips: Let go. Now. These feelings don’t belong to NOW. They are the residue of a tragic episode, now in my past – if I am decisive enough to leave it there.
As I marinated in turmoil this morning, I realized suddenly that I had done nothing “wrong,” except open a door in my mind. I had made a decision awhile ago to end the affair and close the door on it, yet I had begun to “un-make” the decision. I began to entertain the possibility that maybe the affair wasn’t all for naught, that maybe it was real love after all, and that maybe we belonged together, et cetera – an internal bargaining process.
But nothing has really changed. She is still unavailable, and any thoughts to the contrary are delusional, and toxic to my serenity.
I’ve heard a definition of insanity as doing the same thing yet expecting different results. Entertaining the notion that we could possibly be together now is insanity.
So, this is all in my head, and these feelings are from another time and set of circumstances… this is what I am coming to realize. These aren’t of NOW; but merely from the product of a collection of ones and zeros arrayed on a computer screen. How real is that?
Not real at all.